I hate being cold and I hate flying so I’m not exactly sure why I decided going skydiving for the first time in early December in Colorado was a good idea, but that’s what I did.
I wouldn’t say skydiving was ever on my list of must do’s but when my friend went and came back oozing with excitement about it I admit I was seduced by her energy.
Plus Sandy and I also wanted to do something new and “big” to commemorate the start of this new blog and I thought this would be a good one for me. I am terrified of flying on any kind of plane so I figured to get my butt in a tiny little plane that skirts the foothills in the middle of winter and then throw myself out of it to plummet 13,000 feet would be a pretty decent accomplishment.
It turned out that it didn’t feel like an accomplishment at all…but I’ll get to that in a minute.
When I decided I was ready to do it I asked Chris if he wanted to go and without hesitation he said, “yes!”
So, on a cold Saturday morning Chris, our 5 year-old-daughter and I met up with Sandy and her husband Rich at a tiny airport outside of Boulder.
We had to wait quite a while before we could go up because the temperature had to be above freezing but once we got the green light our instructors introduced themselves, suited us up, gave us a few instructions and loaded us onto the trailer so we could head out to the plane.
I was totally fine until we got onto the plane and then I started shitting my pants. Chris kept looking at me and asking me if I was okay and the entire crew on the plane sensed my fear and started messing with me. It was one of those things that I wanted to do but I wanted it to be over already. I just wanted to be able to say I did it but I had little interest in the process. Kind of like the people who want to be published authors but they don’t want to actually write the book.
Anyway, once the door opened I got into “DO” mode and just focused on what I went there to do. When it was my turn I stepped up and before I knew it I was out the door.
It was so flipping cold that I could barely get my breath and every time my tandem partner tried to turn I started to get nauseated; but, I kept my breakfast down and seeing Boulder dusted with snow from that vantage point was spectacular. It was a short 5 minute ride and pretty soon I saw Dylan, Sandy and Rich waving at us from the ground. When my feet hit the ground I was happy as could be. I’m a Taurus, an earth girl through and through, and having two feet on the ground is exactly where I like to be.
It was a great experience and I’m glad I did it but I’m not sure I understand what all the hype is about. Before we went everyone was telling us stories of how amazing it was and how they were on a high for a week and how they felt like they could do anything. But neither Chris nor I got it. In fact, I thought something was wrong with me for not feeling it until Chris said he felt the same way. Still I was curious – did we miss something?
Then it occurred to me.
Doing the jump was something anyone could do, the only barrier to entry on it was weight and it required not a lick of preparation on our parts. We just attached ourselves to the expert and went along for the ride.
So while it was a super cool experience, I didn’t feel like I had accomplished anything and I didn’t experience any type of high from it.
We concluded that because we have participated in so many athletic events in our lives from competitive tennis and lacrosse to triathlons and marathons and ultras and more, all of which required a lot of commitment and training, that doing something that anyone can do doesn’t feel all that special.
I’m sure the deeper question I should be asking myself is why did I need it to be special, right?
I think part of me wanted to connect to the adventurous and spontaneous side of me that I feel like I have lost over the past few years. I wanted to know that I’ve still got it though I’m not even sure what “it” is. I thought I would feel different once I made it back alive but I was still the same person I was when I woke up that morning.
It seems that we’re always hoping that we can do some thing, some big thing that’s going to make us different…make our life different. Make it better or more interesting. Or make us better or more interesting. What is inside some of us that makes us search for immediate transformation? So great is that need that we will hurl ourselves out of speeding aircraft in the dead of winter in hopes that when we land – voila! we will be magically transformed! Or maybe it’s our desire to be super heroes? Gliding through space and time, red capes, clouds between our knees…
I wish I knew what it was. What feeling I was after. It’s not like my life isn’t pretty awesome. I go to bed every night feeling monumentally grateful for my life and all of the people I love in it. Yet I went up in the plane looking for something…not to fill a hole but just to make it more awesome. The truth is I’m always looking for something – looking for something is as much a part of me as my eye color. And I hate it when self-righteous people tell me it’s not good to always be looking for something and how happy they are with their life…apparently because they are not looking for something. Just because I am looking does not mean I am not happy with my life.
Isn’t looking what all of us are doing when we try new things, explore and experiment? Just because you are looking for something it doesn’t mean it’s coming from a place of lack.
Maybe, as is my MO, I was just reading way too much into this skydiving thing though. Maybe the bottom line is just that skydiving was cool but it’s not my thing and I’ll be good to go if I never fall 13,000 feet from anything ever again.
If you want to connect with us about an idea or you have a question, feel free to email us at
questions@bebetterthaneveryoneelse.com
Love this one Melani – and serious kudos on the whole literal “leap of faith thing” skydiving is not on my agenda anytime soon.
This is another “Big Ticket” topic that is near and dear.
(Woowoo warning) as someone who has discovered via Jennifer Urezzio’s Soul Langauges that my primary personal language of Quest (the one that drives why I am here) is the Pioneer… as in adventurer/explorer and “learning how things tick”, i.e. me, others, and the world) at the soul level is my kind of “high-five, heck yeah” fun.
AND even though that is the case and most of the things that bring me the most joy involve some sort of exploring or paving new roads – this aspect of myself can show up both consciously and unconsciously… when it is unconscious it can look like:
” being unable to see the road that “needs” paving or creating distractions by paving too many new roads”. I find that fear is always the underlying factor present when my Pioneering self turns to these kinds of behaviors.
And on a slightly different note:
When I read:
“It seems that we’re always hoping that we can do some thing, some big thing that’s going to make us different…make our life different. Make it better or more interesting. Or make us better or more interesting. What is inside some of us that makes us search for immediate transformation? So great is that need that we will hurl ourselves out of speeding aircraft in the dead of winter in hopes that when we land – voila! we will be magically transformed!”
The word that began instantly pulsing in my body was Acceptance (of self, of others, of life just as it is in every present moment)… It seems deceptively like such a simple word/concept… but not to be fooled…in my experience this is the Big Kahula…the Mount Everest, the Holy Grail as it were…
What is it with you and tapping into all the Biggest Nuts in the Basket that are waiting to be cracked…
P.S. I love the pre-flight family pic.